Tears.

I'm fragile. Every moment is a battle against my own tears. It's like the whole universe is against me. I hate what I'm feeling right now. I hate that everything's not where they should be. I hate that feeling that I'm being pushed away from what I want to be. I hate that my school is keeping me from getting what I want. I hate that they don't think about the future of their students. I hate that they only think about the name and reputation of the school but not the students in it. I hate that some of my friends don't see that I'm not okay and they still have to confide in me, I mean it's fine but please understand that I can't be a friend when I have a problem to think about. I hate that my family don't get what I'm feeling. I hate that nobody does.


I'm sick and tired of crying. I'm sick of not feeling okay. I can't find the optimism anywhere. I don't know where to get the strength to get on with my life anymore. I miss being the person I am a year ago. Everyday is a wish to turn back time and start all over again. Everyday is a wish that all of this is just part of a nightmare. Everyday is a survival, and I don't know how many more challenges can I take. Everyday, I wonder why all of these things have to happen to me and not to somebody else's.

 Am I that bad of a person to receive this much karma? People often tell me to be strong because others have been through worse but that doesn't make things better for me. I know it's selfish but can't they see that I'm this close to giving up? Can someone please tell me why is this happening to me because I don't see anything good that will come out of this. I need a sign or whatever to tell me that everything's gonna be fine. If this is a battle, I'm surrendering. I know in the end, I'll only end up bleeding and scarred.